I will start off by saying that I didn’t have a definite “birth plan.” I don’t think I even thought about giving birth until the last month of pregnancy. When I finally decided to think about the fact the baby had to come out of me, the anxiety began. My biggest fear was having to have a c-section but I decided before the birthing process began that if a c-section was needed I wasn’t going to be devastated. If that happened, I know it would be in the best interest of Logan and I. The only goal I had was to wait as long as I could to get the epidural. I had thoughts in my head I might not even get one but looking back I can’t believe I even thought I could get through without one. Let’s say I tapped out early. I got the epidural when I was only 5 cm dilated because the pain was already too much for me.
My birth story started Monday afternoon. My contractions started and I was finally certain that it was actually labor. I didn’t have any contractions during my pregnancy. During the last few days, I wondered and wondered what a contraction would feel like. When Logan would kick really hard the last month, I tried to convince myself I was having contractions but I definitely was not. The days leading up to my due date I also kept reading and re-reading the early labor signs section of the book they gave us in my childbirth prep class. The pain in my back was probably the worst pain during each of my contractions. I downloaded a contraction timing app and had Ryan time each contraction. Some were longer than others and they were anywhere from 5 minutes to 15 minutes apart. There wasn’t really any pattern to them yet. By 11pm, I was starting to feel quite uncomfortable. The contractions were more regular at about 7 minutes apart. I noticed the way Logan was moving seemed different and I got a little scared. I decided to call my doctor’s office to ease my mind. The on-call doctor called me right back. I told her I was having contractions and they were about 7 minutes apart but I was worried about Logan’s movement. She told me to come on in. We drove to the hospital which isn’t even a mile away. Good thing I wasn’t in the last stages of labor because we didn’t know where to go, It took us a little while to find parking and figure out where to enter. We checked into triage around midnight. They hooked me up to the machines to check my contractions and Logan’s heart rate. I was quickly thankful everything looked good with his heart rate. They checked my cervix and I was only 2.5 cm dilated. I knew when we went to the hospital, I probably wasn’t ready to be admitted. The nurse advised that I go walk around the hospital and come back at 2:30am.
Since we live so close, we drove home. Instead of walking, I headed straight to take a hot bath. My pain was starting to get worse and the bath helped keep my mind off the increasing pain. After the bath, I tried to lay down for an hour but couldn’t get comfortable. We went back to triage at 2:30am. The on-call doctor from our office came in to talk to me and let me know that I was ok to be admitted. They would get my birthing room ready and I would be moved there shortly. I was so overcome with emotions and I broke down in tears. Not bad tears, just lots of emotions.
I remember looking at Ryan and saying “it’s about to get real”. We walked over to our birthing suite. I ended up having a total of three different nurses. Our first nurse was with us till around 7am. I didn’t hire a doula but each of the nurses I had, ended up being doula-like. Our first nurse was the most serious of the three but good for me at the time. I spent the next couple of hours pacing around the room, sitting on the birthing ball and trying to keep my mind off each time I had a contraction.
I knew my doctor was the on-call doctor starting at 8am and I decided I was going to at least wait for her to get there before I got an epidural. Since I knew there would be no more food for me after the epidural, we ordered food. I wasn’t sure how much longer my labor would last and knew food was important for me.
There was a shift change in nurses around 7am. I couldn’t have needed the next nurse more than I did when she arrived. She was such a blessing to me as I labored with her for her entire shift. She checked my cervix again at 8am and I was 5cm dilated. My doctor came in to talk with me about a plan. She decided to break my water before I got the epidural. All I will say about getting my water broken was wow, what a weird sensation. It literally felt like a balloon bursting inside of me. Next, the epidural was administered. Now, I knew I was in the bed for the rest of labor.
For the entire day, I labored. The epidural was amazing and most of the contractions I couldn’t even feel. I could tell there was pressure on some of the stronger ones. I did eat a few cherry popsicles throughout the day and each one of them was AMAZING!
By 6pm, I was finally fully dilated and ready for the pushing to start! I was a little sad that our nurse’s shift was ending. She had been so supportive all day. She really helped me keep my mind off the laboring. She introduced me to our next nurse. Once again, I think people come into your life at certain times for a reason. Our next nurse’s personality was perfect for my last stage of labor. I needed someone with a sense of humor at this time. She was from Texas and had a southern sass about her. She helped make the pushing stage and delivery go smoothly. A few minutes before we started the pushing, I threw up multiple times. It was weird because I felt like the throwing up sensation came out of nowhere. A little before 6:30pm, I starting pushing. For the next 2 hours, I pushed, pushed and pushed. My contractions were not that strong but really close together. However, they were still strong enough that I couldn’t rest through any of them. My body was starting to fatigue and I remember being so tired and hungry. I was wondering how much longer I could do this?
My doctor came in to talk to me about options. She didn’t want me to get to the point I was so exhausted and had to end up with a c-section. Even when she mentioned c-section, I was determined there would be no fatiguing and I would push harder. She mentioned the vacuum option. I knew a little about it from my childbirth class but at the time it sounded scary. She went over the process quickly and I was sold. I needed assistance. Next thing I knew, the room was quickly converted to look more like a surgery room. That part scared me a little but I knew we were so close to meeting Logan now.
I closed my eyes during each pushing session. I remember my doctor and nurse telling me to push as hard as I could. Ryan was by my right side and they were all encouraging me that I was going to push harder than I had ever pushed. The next few minutes were a complete blur and all I remember was Logan being held up in front of me and wiped off with towels. At few seconds later, they placed him on my chest. I couldn’t hold back the tears and instantly fell in love.
They let him stay on my chest for a few minutes then took him to the other side of the room and Ryan followed them over there. I saw them taking Logan’s vitals and making sure everything was ok with him. Watching Ryan look at him made my heart full. Logan had some fluid in his lungs but other than that everything was perfect.
The placenta came out next but I don’t remember that or even remember feeling it come out. I know some people like to eat the placenta or turn it into pills. Not us! Our one request was not to see it. I knew it would look like a sea urchin and the thought of that was disgusting to me. Well, after the placenta was removed, it was placed in a tub right beside where Ryan was standing. He had no choice but to look at it. I think he was traumatized. Luckily, I never had to see it. I didn’t save my cord blood but had it donated.
What happened next wasn’t so great. I can’t remember what the doctor told me but all I knew was I was being stitched up. It seemed like an eternity for each stitch to be put in. Thank God for the epidural because I could feel each stitch. I can’t begin to imagine the pain if I didn’t have the epidural. I had a third degree tear. Ryan’s back was to me but poor thing had to see me in a way I don’t think he ever wanted to see me.
Shortly after, our parents came in to meet Logan. Seeing our parents sent me back into another whirlwind of emotions. I still couldn’t believe I was holding our son. Our son looked like a mini Ryan. He sure didn’t get his black hair color from me.
Around midnight we were moved to our postpartum room. Ryan and I were still on cloud nine and in love with our Logan. Our lives had changed.
